Perhaps I’m lost, perhaps I’ve found my way

They say life is a journey, with winding roads that lead us through forks and crossroads and dead ends. But that is not to say you have a map guiding you, through dips and turns, diversions and boobytraps. What you have are checkpoints instead. Random X’s marked on the sand and you have to find your own way to each mark, flag it with your name and move on to the next target.
I don’t understand how some people plan out their whole lives like a map; from which college majors to take, to which particular job in which particular company they want, to the color of the threadwork on their wedding dresses, right down to the pattern of the tiles they want in the picture perfect house in a specific suburb. Even to the number and gender of their future children with the exact kind of spouse they know with a certainty they will end up with.
I suppose such kind of permanence in thoughts about the future comes from supreme confidence in their own abilities to achieve every milestone they set for themselves.
I know I could never do that, as much as I dislike ambiguities, as organized as I may like my thought process to be, I know I could never be at ease with a fate I chisel into stone myself. Does that make me seem afraid to write my own destiny? Or lack confidence to reach my potential and go after what I know I want?
Perhaps it does, perhaps I seem like the kind of person who goes with the flow, wherever the wind takes me, or any number of cliches that define my existence in this manner.
Or perhaps I actually chose this instead; the option to not choose my path, control it, bend it to my will. Perhaps I chose to have faith in a higher power to prod me at the starting line, cheer me on at every juncture and to let me find my way.
My dreams are nebulous and my future is uncertain, for all my hopes and wishes they might never even intersect. But perhaps I would rest in peace knowing that this was meant to be, that my dreams are a figment of my own imagination, a manifestation of my desires right now; not a glimpse into what lies ahead, not a crystal ball that predicts what is yet to come.
Perhaps it is better this way, that my happiness is His responsibility and I could let go.
Perhaps, this is a word that encompasses how I feel about life.

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2 thoughts on “Perhaps I’m lost, perhaps I’ve found my way

  1. well, planning and daydreaming are two different things. but your point about leaving things up to Him is totally valid.

    we can/should at least plan things for tomorrow or for one year from now or five or ten years from now and do our best to achieve those. just “going with the flow” or living on day to day basis might not be everyone’s cup of tea. this attitude, on one hand seems care free and little irresponsible but on the other hand it could show your supreme faith and trust in Him too.

    so basically its totally subjective how one thinks about his/her own life and has every right to do so.

    ps. spiel over. thanks for your patience.

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